What It Takes

Or Just Shoot Myself?

Not only do you rule, naturally, the known universe, you are a sweet, sweet man. Your children have turned out fine (and wealthier than others’), your wife obviously dotes on you, and you can have anyone in the world for your friend. Never in the history of America or any other country has anyone been, if they will admit it, so admired. You have always, as everyone knows, been a gentleman to the ladies. And yet your actual manhood is bigger than that of “South Park” put together. If the line weren’t so long, internationally, and I didn’t have to get somewhere, I would seize the opportunity, right now, to give your ass a big . . . juicy . . . appreciation.

Now will you go away?

I have never been so tired of anybody in my entire life.