Top Secret Pilferage Explained
NFT's. Are You With Me?
This is a time of transition --
Among the great:
What sport will Vanessa Williams take up, now that she no longer dominates tennis? She could sure cut a wide swath in pickleball.
And the ingrate:
Bill Barr, to whom Mr. Trump entrusted such a great job -- head of Justice! -- appears to be selling the ex--president out in favor of, strictly speaking, justice.
But if I'm right, we can clear up the day’s most vexing question by focussing on another transitioner.
The question: Why in the world did the aforementioned Mr. Trump take all those highly classified documents from the White House to the country club where he lives?
The transitioner: Mrs. Trump.
Reportedly, Melania Trump has expressed less concern about the FBI pawing through her furs looking for those documents, than about how she can make a living if her husband goes to jail.
Well, she already has a side hustle going, and it is a perfect one for our time.
We have an imaginary presidency: Trump, and all those burner attorneys he runs through, and the great heaving mass of Republicans who believe he is fact still President right now, having won the election he lost.
Says a gung-ho MAGA guy, Greg,
"The minute that sperm hits the egg,
He's not just a floater,
He's a gonna-be voter,
So let's plant our cap on his peg!"
We have imaginary money: crypto-bit-block-chain cabbage.
“This accountant, a fellow named Sonny,
Says if he says it's money,
And I say so too,
Then we just need for you
To pass it -- oh, come on, now, Honey!”
And we have imaginarily valuable art: Non-Fungible Tokens.
What are Non-Fungible Tokens?
I am reminded of the fellow who says, "I can show you three things that have never been seen before and will never be seen again." And you say, "Yeah?" And he cracks a peanut shell and produces three nuts and chews them up. The value of Non-Fungible Tokens is more imaginary than that.
Melania Trump is already in the Non-Fungible-Token business. But it hasn't been booming, for her. Last year she offered for sale a big white hat she once wore on a big white occasion, along with some sort of theoretically authenticating data and a dash of, what, notional e-squiggles I guess? (I am not making this up.) For $250,000.
Recently, cyber-researchers have revealed, reportedly (okay, maybe that's imaginary too, but I'm going with it), that she had to buy back that Non-Fungible Token, with some of that quasi-money, herself. For $180,000. So I guess you could argue that she got a pretty good deal, as these things go, but ---
Wait a minute. Were the FBI guys looking for that hat? And if they found it, did they take one another's photos wearing it? Those, those pics, would be Non-Fungible Tokens, I think. Tricky to traffic, of course.
But here's what would be an even heavier NFT, worth heaven knows how many millions, billions maybe -- trillions if you believe, as I don't know that I do, that there is such a thing as a trillion:
A top-secret document -- President Emmanuel Macron's sexual inclinations, as gathered by actual American spies, right here in this certified-secret folder autographed by the one-time (at least) leader of the Free World and a stamp licked by him, personally. And you get a big white hat along with that for another quarter of a million or, talk to me, even less.
You think the Trumps couldn't work out something like that together? Or is their home life as dysfunctional as I sometimes suspect many Trump-torn households are:
If his wife disagrees with him, Art
Will groan, he will belch, he will fart,
He will fleck her with spittle
Saying "Bless your little
Twisted, unnatural heart."
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