Tired of Running-for-Orifice News?

Try on These Briefs

I don't know about you, but if I read one more bit of political news, I will implode into a morass of meaningless stats wrestling with exiguously forced opining. So here are some short items that spring from other aspects of America, the real America, where people are just trying to keep their heads above meaningless stats and exiguously forced opining:

It doesn't take long for a small morsel of fatty pork to pass through a duck. Alton Emory, of Canardia, New Hampshire, who has ducks, noticed this, and it gave him an idea for a surefire viral video. He tied a piece of fatty pork to a greased length of twine and placed it in his duck yard, and soon he had a string of ducks -- going on with their lives unruffled, because Emory alllowed for adequate slack. But the video footage -- four ducks, then five ducks, then six -- didn't look like much. And the local humane society got wind of his project. Last week, as Emory stood in the yard arguing with the human society guy, an eagle swooped down,. grabbed the sixth duck, and flew off with the whole string -- wouldn't you know it: as the other five ducks,one at a time, slid down the string, fell through the air, and landed on his pond, Emory's camera was in the house.