Thugs and Goons

A Ballad

Who deserves our heartiest hugs?
Who are dead eager to come in and serve?
Who are probably not on drugs
Unless they need something to keep up their nerve.

Our thugs! Our thugs! Good hearted big lugs!
We owe a debt of gratitude to all our lovable thugs.

And who deserves oodles of festive balloons?
And blessings and cheers and ass-kicking tunes?
Our goons! Our goons! God bless our plucky goons!

Trump Trump Trump the goons are marching,
And arm-in-arm alongside march the thugs.
Their service to the nation's over-arching,
They're gonna stomp woke terrorists like bugs!

We don't know where they're coming from,
Or where they'll pop up next,
We just know they are primed, by gum,
To seize the least pretext.

To shoot! To shoot! Rooty-toot-tooty!
A Constitutional duty!
(The Second Amendment's not
For libtards who get shot.)

Trump Trump Trump the goons are marching,
And arm-in-arm alongside march the thugs.
Their service to the nation's overarching.
They're gonna stomp woke terrorists like bugs!

(The President embraces them,
Cause they're loyal and straight-shootin'.
The President loves a Strong Man,
Which explains his thing for Putin.)

You go, thugs!
You go, goons!
Let us know if you need anything.
Bazookas? Bombs? Harpoons?

And are goons strictly legal,
And what is thugs' excuse?
All we know: they're lethal
And we're turning them aloose!

There's bound to be some story
By which they are allowed.
We know they don't seek glory,
We know they are not proud.

And you won't hear them "protest."
How do we know this? How can you ask?
Aren't you aware they're so modest
They always wear a mask.?

Trump Trump Trump the thugs are marching,
And arm-in-arm alongside march the goons.
Their service to the nation's over-arching.
They're gonna skin woke terrorists like coons.

Yes! We used the c-word.
We did not choke it back.
We're tired of having to re-word
Our every natural crack.

Our President's even hinting 
At bringing the n-word back.
But some of us are n-words,
So we'll take another tack.

Bitch! Bitch! Bitch!

That gets the lads all grooving,
All for the manusphere!
Thugs and goons are proving
That goons and thugs aren't queer.

You go, thugs!
You go, goons!
Let us know if you need anything.
Bazookas? Bombs? Harpoons?