Things Are Looking Up!

From the Larger-Bases Angle

Everything's going wrong? Everything's getting worse? How can anybody say that, when we live in a world where:

            ***Every time Rep. Jim Jordan runs for speaker of the House, fewer people vote for him! Meanwhile, the Republican majority can't get Republican bills passed! Let's just hope they never figure this out, and Jordan keeps on running!

            ***Taylor Swift has saved movie theaters! Now if she can just come up with a new movie every Saturday night!

            ***In order to add excitement to the game, Major League Baseball has enabled more stolen bases. How? By making the bases larger! How can we apply that principle to non-baseball life? For lovers who are supposed to be otherwise engaged? Larger moments! For people who must park on crime-ridden street? Smaller cars!

            Or, okay, how about this one:

            For people who want to steal, yeah, but not like common thieves? Larger words, larger booty! Misappropriation, plunder, Artificial Intelligence. Or just making up larger and larger numbers while filling out forms. When you’re fronting made-up money, though, you’d better watch your back. Rep. George Santos, for example, has been charged with not just falsifying donations but with posing as donors, including his family, in order to falsify donations -- when in fact, according to Santos, whoever did that must have been somebody posing as him.

            ***Rep. George Santos is under indictment on 23 counts. He says he will not resign from the Congress. And he is a Jim Jordan voter.

And Now, a Shower of Relevant Limericks