The Booking

How It Must Have Gone

TRUMP:  Six-four, two-hundred.

BOOKER: Sir?

T: That's "Mister President, sir," to you. Six-four, two-hundred.

B: Ah. . . Well . . . Mister, uh . . .

T: Six-four, two-oh-five. And not guilty.

B: The procedure here is --

T: I don’t do procedure.

B: But, see, when it comes to your — to any arrestee’s — figures, it’s not a good idea to just, well, take his word so to speak. He hasn’t been sworn in on a Bible yet, so he might — conceivably — fudge. And then when he’s on the witness stand, he can claim that whoever was arrested was not in fact him. Because he himself is obviously . . . let’s say . . . shorter and fatter. So, if you could just step on this scale --

T: Nah-nah-nah. Let's get through with this. I got a thirty-nine-car escort, 604 lawyers and 11,780 legally armed voters standing by.

B: But --

T: Okay, six-three, two-fifteen. That's as far as I'm going.

B: All right, all right. Now the hair.

T: Strawberry.

B: Problem is, that is not an official color. For good reason. The last strawberry claimant was kidded so unmercifully by --

T: Hair: Strawberry.

B: I’m sorry. I am not going to put down "Strawberry"! It's not official. Isn't that right boys?

BOYS WHO HANG OUT IN THE BOOKING ROOM: What MAGA says! What MAGA says!

B: Awww. Some people in my situation would have just put down "Orange." But I see the way you’re wearing it today . . . Which is not unbecoming, not at all, I'm not saying that, I'm just saying --

T: " Blond or strawberry." Or I walk.

B: Walk? Don't say walk!

BWHOITBR: MAGA! MAGA! MAGA!

T: Eyes: Blue, and I'm out of here.

According to WikiLists, Trump's natural hair color is blond, and the only "strawberry" U.S. President was -- you may be surprised! -- Andrew Jackson. According to that same list, Trump is the only President with eyes of green. But Trump, yesterday (perhaps because strawberry doesn’t go with green?), must have claimed blue (like Washington, both Roosevelts, Ike and Reagan), because that's what he's down for at the Fulton County jail.

And Here Is Another In Our Long-Standing

Series of Limericks Focussing on Toxic Males

          An unusual fellow, Pierre,

          Got bats caught up in his hair.

                      To show how weird

                      He was, it appeared

          He'd decided to keep them there.