Something Funny?

Today?

            Let's face it: you can't just say something's funny, today. You have to sell it. In fact "funny" in today's humor market amounts to meh. If you want someone to wet their pants today, you have got to shoot for hilarious.

            Which is what this is.

            Hilarious!!

            Yes! If this does not make you double up and jerk back and forth and dissolve in helpless laughter -- do you know what the meaning of hilarious even means -- it means VERY funny. Funny AF. Not just chuckle-amusing but oh, yeah: hilarious. Hi larry us. Who Larry? High Larry. Who to? US!

            If this -- one of the 48 Funniest Memes Ever in the History of the Internet -- does not force you to accept the amazing transformative power of a hearty fantastic laugh, then did you ever stop to think that maybe you are not fully human?

            Oh, this is not a meme, you say.

            Because it duzzent kome with a picture of a komical kitty?

            Listen to yourself. That's what you're saying? In those deadwood words of yours? Well you might as well just go around saying "Uh . . . Hunh?" all day, because:

where's your effing kitty?

            Are you anti-joy? Dogma-bound? Bilious? Just mean?

            Or so goofy-headed you can't tell when something is hilarious, because everything is goofy to you. In that case it's little wonder that not so much as a common everyday smile is stirring your thin, parched, ever-set-to-snicker lips.

            Because Mister,

            Or Madam, or Whomsoever,

            This is hilarious. It's meant to be hilarious, it is carried out in a hilarious spirit, and it is bound to generate guffaws!

            Your ribs? Wild horses couldnt tickle your ribs. Your risibilities? You don't have any risibilities to tickle, that's what's at the bottom of this whole thing. You don't pick up on sheer overwhelming ha-stuff, infused with a kind of giddiness, a kind of mellow wisdom, a what-say-you-to-this-Uncle-Betsy kind of fun.

            This is the shit, the real deal.

            It's not nosing-around-in-the-gutter funny, no. Is that what you want? Go there, then.

            It's not oh my Mr. Egghead how droll funny, either.

            Because what's hilarious is not science. It's not something where the guys and gals in white coats can look into a person's very soul and say a plus b minus c equals laughs -- but by the same fact of that truth, it is LIFESAVING. So roll up in an ergonomically designed

            CHIFFOROBE

            Not an armoire.

            An armoire doesn't have any drawers.

            (Whoops.)

            A CHIFFOROBE:  Check out those drawers.

            So, to you, CHIFFOROBE is not funny?

            Are you overlooking common harmless-looking signs your body is fighting tertiary brain lesions?            

            Try this.

            This has fully informed you that this is hilarious.

      Now Here Is Yet Another in Our Dizzy Cavalcade of Limericks Skewering Silly Male Fellows

                 A "Christian comic" named Sonny

                 Works balmy more than funny.

                             The Lord doesn't mind him,

                             Perhaps, but I find him . . .

                 If he were an egg, he'd be runny.          

     And Here, Now, Finally, Is an Alternative Last Line to That Limerick:

                 If he were a nose, he'd be runny.