Depressing Is Easy

Glitter Is Hard

Got to stop dwelling on Crazy Trump. Reruns of The Sopranos was almost spoiled last night because I started wondering what the key difference is between Tony Soprano, whom I can't help feeling fond of although he is a murderer, and Trump, whom I can't help feeling contemptuous toward although it is wearing me down.

I don’t like feeling contemptuous!

            Is it the difference between Jersey and Queens? Archie Bunker managed to be likeable in Queens. But then Archie stayed in Queens. Maybe if Trump had . . . There's a pretty thought, except I wouldn’t wish it on Queens.

Louis Armstrong had a home in Queens. You can visit it. He wrote about the car he kept there:

“The Kids in our Block just thrill when they see our garage gate up, and our fine Cadillac ooze on out. They just say, ‘Hi — Louis + Lucille — your car is so beautiful coming out of that raise up gate,’ which knocks me out.”

You know gate is an old term for a jazz musician. A gate has got that swing. You can be cool in Queens.

Is it the difference between Italian and German? If Tony and his people ate brats and kraut instead of the manicott and the gabagool, they would lose some of their horrifying charm, but not all. Anyway Trump doesn't have enough taste to eat ethnic.

            Maybe it's just that Tony has better writers.

            And Carmela.

         I don’t have anything against Melania, but don’t you wish we could have had Carmela for First Lady?

            Last night, a limerick made its way into my head. A couple — not Tony and Carmela — are arguing after a fancy Republican social event:

            "What did I do that was 'bumptious'?"

            "Well you called Ginny Thomas 'Scrumptious' . . . "

                        "What, that's not allowed?

                        In a conservative crowd?

           All I was being was Trumptious."

            Morning. In New Orleans. I got up, went outside. Nice weather.

Took a walk over to Rampart Street.

            Not a swell neighborhood, but there's a laundry there that used to be the J&M Recording Studio, where Cosimo Matassa produced records that “helped give birth,” to quote a plaque outside, "to rock and roll." Fats Domino, Little Richard, Professor Longhair, Lloyd Price, Roy Brown, Jerry Lee Lewis, Guitar Slim, Shirley and Lee, they all cut records there.

            I don’t know much about Guitar Slim, so I'm going to quote Wikipedia (see how I don’t plagiarize?):

            "He wore bright-colored suits and dyed his hair to match. He had an assistant who followed him around the audience with up to 350 feet of cord between his guitar and his amplifier, and occasionally rode on his assistant's shoulders or even took his guitar outside the club, bringing traffic to a stop."

If that ain’t a show!

            As for Shirley and Lee, their hits included "Feel So Good," "I Feel Good," and "Let the Good Times Roll." 

I'm feeling better myself.

            After all, am I not walking along North Rampart Street eating some excellent gas-station fried chicken? Key's FuelMart, open 24/7. Their chicken is always hot (in both senses), always fresh, always crunchy. There's your scrumptious.

            Now let us ooze on up Rampart to Mary's. Only in New Orleans, I think, would a hardware store be called Mary's. I know the man on the second floor, where they keep the gourmet petfood. He is looking forward, he says, to a day when Harry Shearer and I stop by at the same time.

            "Yes!" I exclaim. "And Judith, and Franklin, and Aretha!"

            I live in a town where our friends have dogs -- very large and energetic sibling dogs -- named Aretha and Franklin!

            And any time day or night I can walk over to Rampart (circumspectly, at night) and get me a bag full of fried chicken that’s as good as any fried chicken in the entire world today.

            And not only that, and that, but how about this: just inside Mary's front door is a sign covered with verse. Mardi Gras is imminent, you know, and Mary’s is ready. I will now try to quote that verse in its rather irregular form across the sign:

COME ON IN

TO SEE YOUR

FRIENDS AT ACE!! WE'VE

GOT GLITTER FOR YOUR FACE . . . WE'VE

GOT SPRAY PAINT, ACRYLICS, MARKERS AND MORE. WE'VE

GOT FOOD STUFF AND FUN STUFF AND FIXIN'S GALORE!/ WE CAN

HELP YOU CONSIDER Y OUR COSTUMES & AND DON'T FEAR THE

GLITTER! WE SELL VACUUMS!! WE'VE GOT YOU COVERED FOR

ALMOST EVERY NEED! WE'VE GOT IT ALL (EXCEPT FOR THE BEADS)

AND KEEP A LOOKOUT FOR US ON

MARDI GRAS DAY! MARY'S

IS CLOSED SO WE CAN GO

PLAY !!

            I'm living in a town where the hardware store sells glitter!

            Doesn't just sell glitter. Features it.

I have good writers! ALL CAPS FOR A POSITIVE REASON.

            I feel good.