Beyond the Bible and the Kicks

More Unbelievable Deals

The Lord has seen to it that my share of Bibles already overflows.  And I don’t intend to gad about in gold shoes until after I go on to Judgment. But when I heard President Trump was making available the new Presidential Bible, in conjunction wih Lee Greenwood, how could I NOT be interested. I can always send the shoes back if they don’t fit, I think. If the Leader of the So-Called Free So-Called World has the time to share the Holy Word in such a fresh package, well, I will make time for that.

Then I found myself further blessed. Clicking on down from the President’s offer, ike you’ll do on the Web, I found myself in a whole new area of research. A world of helpful hints that baffle all the experts. Like he does!

      But these experts aren’t baffled! Not for one minute! They’re doctors! This must be where they go to trade simple tricks! And you are invited to listen in! Here, it’s not in-and-out. They take time with you: 

     “Doctor Warns Americans: Not All Doctors Are As Interested as This in Secret Threats to Your Bladder.”

       “All Crunch Is Not the Same: What If I Told You There Was One Specific Type of Nut That You Should Eat It Every Day Studies Show?”

     “See that? Looks like slices of banana doesn’t it? Actually, It’s the Simple Road to Gut Health, Agree Relieved Breakfast Lovers.”

       “Top Anal Surgeon:  This Simple Trick Will Clean You Further After Second Use of Ordinary Bathroom Cleanser Even If You Are Among Many Toilet Users Who Are Lefthanded, As Shown in This Entertaining Video Previewed HERE.” Oh Yes. I clicked. I watched. And part of me wishes I had kept on clicking on See More till the soldier came home to reveal the secret surprise, because I really did want to know, and I caught the hints of marital success and kittens, all right, I couldn’t actually SPARE that much time. I clicked off. I still have regrets. But I’m not going back through all that again.

       “The Sad Truth About Gospel Shoes—And the Alternative.” Oh they’lll make your feet splayed. I could have told this fella on the video that. But we all have crosses to bear. When it comes to feet I don’t expect to baffle experts. Just give me plain Republian sandals and I’ll put the whoosies up in between the toes. I was not blessed with quickly reparable feet. So I have been told by many doctors. Not at this length by a specialist as patient as this one. But when it came right down to it, I didn’t order the tape.

They’re not all medical, the unbelievable deals.

“Does Your Cat Look Like They Would Love to Make Eye Contact and Purr? Forget About It, Until You Try This Simple Veterinarian-Approved Procedure!”

     It’s “How You Can Get Insider Suggestions as to your Savings Accounts That Your Know-It-All Bank Won’t Tell You!”

    “Here’s Why You Should Always Wrap Foil Around Your Doorknobs When You Paint Around Them, So You Won’t Slosh Paint on Them. No, I Didn’t Bill This Up Top as ‘Why You Should Always Wrap Foil Around Your Doorknobs When You’re Alone!’ Why Would I Do That!”

    “Finally! Christians Over Seventy Allowed to Hear About Famous Tummy-Shrinking Drink!”

    I want to be clear: President Trump doesn’t take credit for all the programs a nd solutions discussed here. He doesn’t even imply his participation, as he does in “How to Stand at Attention Holding Your New Presidential Bible Upside-Down To Signal a Word to the Wise” and “Special Discount for Alumni of Trump University.”

But you can feel his presence.